The 69th Eurovision Song Contest kicks off on Wednesday. Here are my preliminary thoughts but, as we know from previous years, the live performance can change everything (my picks are at the very end).

🇦🇱 Albania – Zjerm by Shkodra Elektronike – is there enough singing? There will need to be some stage magic during the instrumental breaks to keep a look in.

🇦🇺 Australia – Milkshake Man by Go-Jo – let’s hope that everyone enjoys a double entendre.

🇦🇲 Armenia – Survivor by Parg – I don’t know how old Parg is but I get the feeling that he wrote this song very earnestly in his bedroom when he was in Year 8. And planned his costume. And every pose.

🇦🇹 Austria – Wasted Love by JJ – borrowing from Kate Miller Heidke’s playbook… opera is a risk but you either play it ‘safe’ in Eurovision or go out on a soprano limb. Can’t wait to see how it’s staged.

🇦🇿 Azerbaijan – Run With U by Mamagama – Azerbaijan’s take on Weird Science (with a lot of focus on the groin…) has a neat pop beat but never lifts to an arresting crescendo.

🇧🇪 Belgium – Strobe Lights by Red Sebastian – does what it says on the packet.

🇭🇷 Croatia – Poison Cake by Marko Bošnjak – it’s no Baby Lasagna…

🇨🇾 Cyprus – Shh by Theo Evan – I’m not against anyone leaning on their looks but it’s helped if they’re singing a good song, not an annoying one.

🇨🇿 Czechia – Kiss Kiss Goodbye by Adonxs – I love a good tempo change and this one (at the 2m17sec mark) is brilliant.

🇩🇰 Denmark – Hallucination by Sissal – I’m not blown away by this rather generic ‘Denmark has Talent/ The Voice/ Danish Idol’ kind of song.

🇪🇪 Estonia – Espresso Macchiato by Tommy Cash – this is what Eurovision is all about. You’ll never order a coffee in the same way again.

🇫🇮 Finland – Ich komme by Erika Vikman – subtle is certainly not Erika’s middle name…

🇫🇷 France – Maman by Louane – every year I reckon France play the ‘we’re above the silliness of Eurovision’ card and they’ve done it again (and she is quite literally above us).

🇬🇪 Georgia – Freedom by Mariam Shengelia – if you’ve got a message to deliver, I prefer it to be Malta-style, than fragile-beauty.

🇩🇪 Germany – Baller by Abor & Tynna – hooray! Not their worst entry.

🇬🇷 Greece – Asteromáta by Klavdia – can’t go wrong with a statement frame. Also, it’s all very beige so I reckon she’ll have big things planned for the night.

🇮🇸 Iceland – Róa by Væb – is it hip hop? Is it a sea shanty?

🇮🇪 Ireland – Laika Party by Emmy – I’m all for a strong narrative in a song but did Emmy google Laika…? (spoiler – it didn’t end in a dance party).

🇮🇱 Israel – New Day Will Rise by Yuval Raphael – I hate that Eurovision is political and yet it is. This is a lovely song but we all know how voting works.

🇮🇹 Italy – Volevo essere un duro by Lucio Corsi – someone needs to tell Lucio about colour-matching… or spray tan…

🇱🇻 Latvia – Bur man laimi by Tautumeitas – Peter-Weir’s-Picnic-at-Hanging-Rock vibes, but in the Latvian woods.

🇱🇹 Lithuania – Tavo akys by Katarsis – someone said they showed promise at their school battle-of-the-bands and they’ve taken it from there.

🇱🇺 Luxembourg – La poupée monte le son by Laura Thorn – the doll angle is cute but I’m just laughing at the poopy, poopy, poopy bits. Fun.

🇲🇹 Malta – Serving by Miriana Conte – if you haven’t heard the kant controversy then soz, it’s too late to catch you up. But because of the kant controversy, I reckon this could be Malta’s best year yet.

Related: is this not the best advertisement ever?

🇲🇩 Moldova – no entry for 2025.

🇲🇪 Montenegro – Dobrodošli by Nina Žižić – getting value out of her manicure.

🇳🇱 Netherlands – C’est La Vie by Claude – if I put all the French I knew into one song, it would be this!

🇳🇴 Norway – Lighter by Kyle Alessandro – tick off all your Eurovision bingo-card squares with this one.

🇵🇱 Poland – Gaja by Justyna Steczkowska – there is so much going on here, I don’t know where to start, except to say that I love the Solid-Gold-intensity of those back-up dancers.

🇵🇹 Portugal – Deslocado by NAPA – they’re so earnest! Wrong contest for this gentle song.

🇸🇲 San Marino – Tutta l’Italia by Gabry Ponte – for Eurovision newbies, there’s a category on your bingo card that includes ‘grandmas cooking on stage’. Tick that square off.

🇷🇸 Serbia – Mila by Princ – I’m no astronomer but he’s on the moon AND in front of the moon… Cue a hot mess.

🇸🇮 Slovenia – How Much Time Do We Have Left by Klemen – a song about terminal illness… pity help the act that follows this mood-killer.

🇪🇸 Spain – Esa diva by Melody – like Belgium, this song also does what it says on the packet (but in a far more boring way).

🇸🇪 Sweden –  Bara bada bastu by KAJ – in the same way that I find myself humming Master of the House from Les Mis (regardless of whether I’ve heard it recently or not), I’ll be humming this lively chorus. Extra points for the surprising accountants-in-bad-brown-suits-meet-lumberjacks combination, and completed with requisite Eurovision key change. Oh, did I mention it’s about saunas? The only thing holding this back is perhaps Eurovision fans have a bit of Sweden-fatigue.

🇨🇭 Switzerland –Voyage by Zoë Më – it must suck to have to follow your country’s winner. This is a pretty song, it will get polite support but that’s about it.

🇺🇦 Ukraine – Bird of Pray by Ziferblat – oh look! The Partridge Family is in Ukraine!

🇬🇧 United Kingdom – What The Hell Just Happened? by Remember Monday – I am LOVING that the UK have picked a song title that will probably uttered multiple times over the Eurovision event (especially after Australia and Ukraine’s performances). This is my absolute favourite. I love its Saltburn vibe, I love that it sounds simple (but it’s actually really hard to sing), I love that they look like they’re having a grouse time.

The official odds are showing Sweden, Austria and France as the main contenders.

My favourites are UK, Estonia, Luxembourg, Sweden and Czechia.